Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Some Things Don't Change

Although I have many of days like today, I don't speak of them or write about the much. Way back when, it was one of my goals to stop talking about my pain. It was a milestone when I got to the point where I no longer truly had the need to tell others how badly I was hurting. Now 17 years has passed and I qualify for sharing whatever the heck I wanna share about my life.

Some of you know this all began on August 6, 1993. And to this day, I am coaching people on the side who are suffering with MTBI, closed head injuries and screaming haeadaches which have contributed to their lives becoming unmanageable. I just received a letter from a new customer just last week. She is suffering more than I am; if that is perceivably possible right now in my state of mind. However, I know pain is relative and she [in fact] is suffering greatly and in some ways that I did not have to deal with. But until we learn to cope and manage insane chronic pain, it is one wicked demon to contend with.

For me today, I woke to much of my body feeling in a "cramped" state. Along with that, the back of my skull was just screaming like a banshee in harmony to what I call the flying.saucer.disc headache slicing my brain in half and obliterating my thoughts.

My first course of action is to get "basic meds" into my system. Afterall, I have a 50/50 shot to even get onto my feet today. So I took the daiy usuals which also include water pills for edema, fish oil, B, Centrum Silver, 50,000 units D3, 3.Glucosamine and then swallowed them down with 2 cups of Breeze™ which also scores me 2 points of fiber in the middle of a blistering headache. More on this later.

I continued in bed, using my Homemedics 4-head Percussive Massage to try and break down some of the muscle cramping both in my neck, along the base of my skull and inside of my head. Today's massage workout was about 20% effective which is not as good as usual. This tells me that this headache will drag into the day. How long and how strong, I don't know yet. But, I do know that I can count on 16 hours of morbidity.

Nevertheless, I will be productive today and this is what can distinguish the difference between me and you. I suffered in bed, in fetal position for many, many years before I began to learn distractive therapy techiniques. It was years before I even got out of bed and into a chair. But, I won't bore you with that story today. For all I wanted to share today was, what it can be like for me [still 12 or more days a month] when I awake to start each day.

Now about 3 hours into my day I am sitting up. I've swallowed headache assistance twice since becoming conscious and buzzin' my skull with the massager got me sitting up. Now, I proceed to getting a cup of coffee going. If Kathy hasn't already left me a half pot of fresh brewed coffee, I opt to making my instant.fiber.coffee which will also be debuted in my upcoming Diet Tips & Tricks PDF. Today I got lucky and warm coffee was present. This means 2 minutes in the microwave and I'm on my way. My coffee cup is a low profile [5-inch wide, soup-like] which contains 3 cups of coffee. Also this cup design will never tip over. Something which is paramount for me and my condition living around high-end laptops and expensive recording equipment. Many days this coffee won't get much attention and there will be 50% of it remaining 20 hours from now. Today this will not be the case. I'm drinking it as we speak and I have consume half of it already.

With my neck, base of skull, skull and internal pain consuming much of who I am today, it is obvious that once I finish my coffee and this blog that I need to get myself onto my TotalGym to do some muscle stretching and to gain some range-of-motion. This in itself helps tremendously even when suffering with extreme levels of on-going pain.

I'm disoriented and don't know where my bluestrip is. This is a bright blue, locking box which holds about a week of my chemical toys. I had possession of this when I first awoke and need to locate where I put it after taking my initial 2 rounds. Aha! I had to stand up, but my bluestrip was where I usually keep it. I don't have any memory of my putting it there today. I know I put it away yesterday, but today, Kathy prolly stuck it there. My last visual was having it in my hands when I was laying in bed.

Just this process of "where are things" was the first 5.years of agony in life since 1993. Since then, I have learned NOT to lose things. I did learn [around 6.years post injury] that sometimes my brain does not photograph everything my eyes scan in the picture. So, to me, I don't see what I am looking for. This is not to be confused with losing things. Still, it took me almost 3.years post injury to phycially reach out and feel, for many times what I was looking for, such as keys on the table, were in fact there, yet I did not have a visual for it. Sounds unbelievable? Research it yourself. I don't time here today to do that.

As we mosey on into my day, I am thinking about working on flushing out the general user interface for my upcoming HappyHarryNET.com websites. Tinkering today will be my theme. There is no point in pressuring myself with this physical level of pain going on in my head today. Also, now that my brain is processing other pain sensors in the my body better, my spine is sore and my joints are stiff. Fall is here. Again, its TotalGym time, so I will insert my usual walk into my phsical program before getting onto the gym.

Back to thoughts. I'm working on a country song which now focuses mainly on the lead vocal which I am writing from scratch and inserting into the existing song which has harmonies. This is a bit of a backwards process and a new way to compose music. I accepted the challenge and the results are nothing less than stellar and I am proud to include this country song on my upcoming album in late 2011. But the point being, 17.years ago I would be laying in bed [in fetal position] with this blistering headache, I would not be going to work nor would I be sustaining any job anywhere. And to frost the cake, I surely would not be accomplishing anything, let alone working on new website designs or arranging and recording music!

So, those of you who knew me back in 1993 can appreciate what I am asaying here. But for the people who never knew me and are reading now, perhaps this will shed some light on chronic pain and distractive therapies. Also, maybe you know someone who is suffering and they could use some help. Feel free to send them my way. I am coaching over 612 people now. Mind you, not every day. But they e-mail me or Skype me or phone me and we talk. It's amazing to hear of their successes which have been accelerated by my sharing my techniques with them. But, as I always tell people, it's your success. You're the one doing the work. We all lean on and utilize methods used by other people which enable us to improve, conquer and move on with our lives. To this day I still break out my Anthony Robbins materials and listen to them every other year. There are "others" I read and listen to as well, but Tony has helped me a lot. Two other mentors in my life have been instrumental in my progress, but I have not seen one of them in 13 years and the other one has chosen to ignore me somewhat. Still, I lead myself now. And this is what we all must [eventually] do. Lead ourselves.

Remember that slogan, "You come in alone... you go out alone". I believe there certainly is some truth to that. However, it is important to enjoy the people around us. From all walks of life. Enjoy the people you don't like as well as the one's you love to death. This was one of the best parts of my sustatining a brain injury in 1993 -- I joined the human race.

And now, I shall stand up and get on with my day.


Saturday, October 09, 2010

Summer, Winter, Autumn & Spring

Some might say Fall is here. Well, I say Fall was already here and now is nearly gone. During the tail of the actual Summer season, one afternoon the wind kicked up and spun some leaves and the air, "changed". Immediately I recognized that Summer was over and that Fall had begun. The very next day the various animals began changing their behaviors. It is quite noticeable when you pay attention to them.

The warm temperatures and breezes are gone and my bones ache again. Waking up is like the TinMan from the Wizard Of Oz. I should have an oil can on my night stand. Or at least a can of WD40. But, with this new diet and lifestyle which I began on June 25th, pushing myself onto my feet is easier than in the past. I have more energy and generally feel better even when I have a blistering headache. The weight loss benefits keep paying off with every pound that I lose. Yesterday I clocked in at 38 pounds down from 250 which is wonderful. It's not a miracle. It simply is the results from making better decisions and life choices.

Beating the rain to the finish line is important now. The RV is getting its Fall maintenance per se and I am a pretty good judge of character when it comes to MotherNature and I know I don't have much more time. I still have the roof to finish and I suspect perhaps another 10 to 20 days and then its time to get wet. Once that happens, its too late to do "dry repairing" to anything that requires it. So this weekend through next week will be the final steps to completing the chores needed to secure our home for the winter.

A few nights ago I solved the arrangement challenge that I was having with a song. I get hung.up differently than I used to. My creativity is flourishing like a waterfall. Now the larger challenge lies with arrangements. Both pre and post recording. But, this is an area that I am glad that I am experiencing. I can recall not too long ago when I didn't have a project studio, nor did I have the quality recording gear that I have now. The days and nights salivating over the equipment that I was researching prior to purchasing. And now, scratching my head when I get stuck on an arrangement. Talk about growth.

With 2011 coming, I am summing up my plans for website overhauls. I've had a lot of ideas on legal pads the past two years and while I am not going to leak any ideas here now, I do plan to improve the overall look, user interface and bring more content to my sites. Then, there is the dedicated website for my record album. That is another iron in the fire. It's not hard work. It's just work that takes time and when you wear all the hats, it takes longer.

Most of my days I live with urgency. Not because I will be 57 years old come December 20th, but rather, there is so much to do in life and so little time. Being excited about life [in itself] is simply not good enough. You can be happy and passionate in everything that you do. But it still takes TIME to get things done. Wasting time is also a precious past time that can be enjoyable. Admittedly, I don't dabble much in this category. However, I'm not going to lie about it. Everybody [including me] wastes a little time now and then. I think it's healthy and I don't think goofing off is a waste of time either! We're all human. Fiddling around and kicking a can should be a priority on your ToDo list. You gotta spend time playing no matter how much work you have to do. But, if you can blend the two of them so working becomes your playing, now you have something to really get excited about. And when you place urgency on THAT then you will get more done in the same amount of time you originally had. Don't hold your breath or stare at clocks... poof, you're dead.

I look forward to seeing SOME of you in Heaven.